Anticipation
by somandalicious
Summary: It is the cruelest emotion to a jaded wife...to wonder of her husband's fate.


_Anticipation, Anticipation _

_Is making me late _

_Is keeping me waiting _

It was a crisp, cold night. A navy sky glittered across clearly and a heavy, tarnished moon curled brightly, like the smile of the Cheshire cat, in the middle of it. Winter was still faintly present, but spring was promising to appear shortly. The world was quiet, sleeping, and unaware of the ominous presence looming in the air.

Save for one woman.

Narcissa Malfoy.

Cissa.

Cissy.

Chopsticks.

He could call me whatever he wished, but it did not bring him to me at that late hour. It did not salve the fear that wounded my heart. It did not bring me relief from the worries that haunted her insomnia. No, it only brought me to the grand window in the nursery of his grand manor, where I stood, draped in my favorite silk kimono, silhouetting the solemn night sky.

Lucius had left two nights prior, with a small kiss goodbye that was overflowing with promises of an early return. Then the Daily Prophet ran a front page article on the demise and capture of an abundance of Death Eaters. This had come about after the news that the Dark Lord had been defeated at the Potter residence in Godric's Hollow.

Still no word or sign of my beloved husband. So i held constant vigilance at the nursery window every night after I tucked our infant son to sleep. My mind naturally wondered at would come of tomorrow, but knew I would never know. Yet, it did not stop me from question it. I fancied the thought that maybe, wherever he may be, he held me in his heart to get him through. Maybe he would come back and be the affectionate playful man I had married many years before. Before he became involved with the Dark Lord. I was merely praying for the finer days of the past. That was a chase I would always give. It was my fate.

Draco stirred slightly, and my head jerked to him. His little mouth pouted in slumber as if he was dreaming of slobbering on his favorite bauble. When he settled back to dreamland, I smiled warmly and reminisced about the night he was conceived. It had been the last time Lucius had been loving and gentle.

A frown cursed my brow and I returned to my spot to scout the night for any sign of him. I remembered fondly, how we had gone to the gala. He had held me close and whispered words of love into my ear. It was the last time he held me carefully and kissed me sweetly. How I longed for that particular Lucius to return also.

Perhaps he would, since the Dark Lord was finished. As I knew it would be so. I could see it so clearly, the return to his charming behavior. That signature smirk would hold promise of ornery tricks instead of sinister plans. He would shower me with every affection that money could not buy. Like flirtations, stolen kisses, innuendos and possessive touches. He would laugh again.

I let me head fall against the cool pane of glass. How I had forgotten his laugh. Hearty and deep, it was, and his broad shoulders would shake tremendously. His head would fall back and his soft, silvery hair would slip out of its restraint. I missed that man desperately.

Many times did I try to find him. Touch him softly, playfully or with understanding. Once, after Draco was born, we had attended a political party and I pressed my body the length of his to whisper into his ear naughty, wicked ideas I had. He had pushed me back and told me coldly to mind my place. Since then I had never stood closer than a hand-with to him.

Glancing at Draco's sleeping form once more, I felt another surge of hope. Draco would never be this way, if I had any say about it. He would always be affectionate and caring. I would teach him how to treat a woman properly and to love her always, no matter what. It was another fate I would bear happily.

Of course it would not have been my fate if Lucius had not changed so. It was unfair that Draco would never know how wonderful his father actually was. If he was anymore. I did not know. He had no real interest in Draco. He never held him, or fed him, or bonded with him in anyway. Lucius merely signed the bills or demanded that I rid the crying boy of his presence. That broke my heart more than anything. I simply wanted Draco to be happy in his home life, and I knew that the expensive toys and clothes would never replace the affection that he needed to thrive.

That's when I heard heavy footfalls on the steps. "Lucius?" I called.

The silence was echoing. I warily eyed the door and clutched at my robe. Carefully I backed to the bassinet to protect my only son. For a new fear had gripped my heart, and I could only think to protect him.

Suddenly the nursery door, swept open. I struggled to scream, but my throat was constricted. I saw nothing but darkness…and a shadowed pale mask. The hooded figure began to advance on me and finally the scream left me.

A glove hand reached for the mask to remove it. "Ssssssh." It said as the face was revealed.

My body eased as I flung myself at Lucius, he took a step back at the force of my body colliding with his. I gripped his robes desperately and rubbed my face into his chest. I needed to feel him. All of him. As close as I could possibly get. I wanted to be sure he was really standing there. That I was really holding him and not some ghost. I felt the warmth of him, the planes of his broad chest and the scent of him. That spicy, musky essence that had always been Lucius Malfoy.

I felt his strong arm press my back, and I began to sob shamelessly.

"I'm fine." he whispered coldly.

"No, you are not! You are not fine." I cried and stretched my arms around to seize his shoulder blades. "This is not right, you don't leave me like this. I love you. Do you hear me?" I looked deep into his eyes. "I love you and you treat me as if I'm an insignificant house elf! I'm your bloody wife, and I deserve better than this life!" I bawled loudly. "I can't take this waiting, wondering…this anticipation!"

He sighed deeply and rubbed my back. "I know, Sticks. I've made a terrible mistake, and I'm unbelievably sorry. " He dropped the mask and it crashed to the floor. His big hands gripped my face and he showered it with distressed kisses. "I've been a tremendous arse, a horrid husband and more importantly an ungrateful father. I don't deserve you both." He dropped to his knees and my clinging body followed. He began to weep and beg my forgiveness. I had never met this particular Lucius, but I loved him too.

And tomorrow we might not be together, for I am not a diviner, and I do not know nature's way. But tonight I looked deep into my husbands eyes and decided to stay right here. Because in them, I found a greater anticipation. I found the finer moments of yesterday and the great promises of tomorrow.

_A/N: I know that the Carly Simon's "Anticipation" is suppose to be a sort of happy ballad, and my story is...well not. But I dedicate this to Makini because it was her artwork "Death" That inspired this fic. At least once more, as always, I do not own the characters or the song, only the plot. This is my first Narcissa/Lucius fic. Please stroke my ego and let me know what you think._


End file.
